Just Be Yourself? Really?

We’ve all heard the clichéd advice, “just be yourself!”. And it’s some of the best and worst information you’ll ever hear. And it’s also some of the most confusing.

People are fearful of change, especially when they see their friends changing and it threatens their own identity. “You’ve changed man” is something you’ll hear frequently if you take personal growth seriously. And is that a good or a bad thing?

I want to tear that whole model apart and come at it from another angle and say that: it’s not about good or bad, right or wrong, but that change is inevitable.

It’s said that the only constant in life is change, and it’s true. We wouldn’t expect a 5 year old to act the same as an 18 year old, or that an 18 year old would still be the same at 45.

We change, we grow, we mature, we evolve, and that’s normal AND desirable. The world would be a bad place if 70 year olds acted like 7 year olds.

Modern Beliefs

Here’s some wisdom straight from my modern beliefs: if change is constant and inevitable, then we have two choices: either accept change passively, or, take control, and change consciously. There are no other options.

Let me ask you something, have you ever wanted to be something, say socially outgoing, but felt like a fraud when you tried?

Maybe you wanted to be outgoing, or extroverted, or a good public speaker, or you wanted to be good at meeting women. Whatever it is, you wanted it, you tried, but it felt fake.

Here’s a little secret: everyone feels like a fraud at first. In fact it’s documented in psychology as Imposter Syndrome.

Method Acting

I want to introduce a concept to you now called Method Acting. Think of any great actor, and they use method acting: Marlon Brando, Dustin Hoffman, Jim Carrey, Heath Ledger.

And what is method acting? It’s when you embody the character so fully, that you are it, at all times. Traditional actors “put it on” when the cameras are rolling, but as soon as they hear “CUT”, they’re back to their normal self again.

Method Acting is permanent. It is the full and constant embodiment of the character at all times, and under all situations. There is no off switch.

And here’s the secret to becoming who’re you meant to be: Be it. Now. Fully and completely, be that person.

If you’re character is good at talking to women, then you’re going to be overjoyed the next chance you have to talk to women. If your character is wealthy, then you’ll make the kind of financial decisions that a wealthy person would make.

It’s similar to “fake it till you make it”, or acting as if, but it’s the full embodiment. You don’t become something one day, you consciously choose to be the person you want to be now.

But there’s one more piece: You have to know exactly what you want. You have to be able to imagine and visualize, what exactly it is that you want. And once you know what you want out of life, then just go and take it. This is how you be alpha.

“But Psych isn’t this delusional?” 

I can hear your brain ticking. Sure you could call it delusional, but is that really such a bad thing? I mean would you rather stay un-delusional and unchanged as the person you currently are? If you’re reading these words then I’m pretty sure you want change.

I’ll tell you a personal story to help you see. You see, once upon a time I was just Jared. And Jared wasn’t good at making friends, he wasn’t good with women and he just wasn’t really that much fun.

And I got fed up of being Jared.

I had all of this internal conflict and was going through a turbulent identity crisis. In my mind I desperately wanted to be this social guy who could talk to any woman he wanted to. But deep down I didn’t really self-identify myself as that guy, so I’d always end up sabotaging myself before I could make any progress.

Psych was born

So I created a new personality, a blank page to write my own identity. I became “Psych”.

And Psych was fearless, outgoing, social, and fun. He could effortlessly talk to anyone and women were falling head over heels for him. Psych decided to stop being “nice”. Psych decided to treat himself as if he had value.

If you’re feeling stuck in the past then you need to rewrite the past and become who you really are.

This is how a modern man does lifestyle design, to create the life you want to live, instead of being stuck in the life you’re in. This is how you develop your true sense of identity and be a real man. You must sharpen your sword and make conscious change.

So how do you just “be yourself”? 

I’ll sum it up: Know exactly what you want, and then live it.

How do you talk? How’s your posture? How do you walk into a room of strangers? What value do you bring to a group? Embody fully the essence of the person you are meant to be. Don’t pretend, don’t act, just be.

– Jared Psych Laurence

Founder, Modern Flirting

Author: The Psychology of Modern Flirting

Dating Mentor and International Speaker, San Diego

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