1) Actually pulling her hair.

There’s the way you pulled a girl’s hair in kindergarten when she stole your Lego and there’s the way your girlfriend wants you to pull her hair in bed.

They are not the same.

Generally, and I say generally because some people are into actual pain, the kind of hair pulling that you should do is more like a hair tug – hand very close to the scalp with lots of hair grasped.  That is sexy. The other is often just painful and annoying.

2) Freaking out over unfamiliar undergarments.  

These days, being familiar with women’s undergarments is more complicated than just knowing how to unhook a front clasp bra.  Thanks to technology, undergarments have gotten pretty involved.

Think – Spanx and other shapewear, bodysuits, fashion tape, adhesive bras.

If you freak out or hesitate at the sight of any of these, there is a good chance you’ll make her feel insecure and less sexy.  If you see something that throws you off, treat it like the sexiest lingerie you’ve ever laid eyes on and continue as you were.

3) Asking if she had an orgasm – incessantly. 

You should care if she does, you can even ask if you genuinely want to know if she’s gotten there, but asking over and over is incredibly annoying and only makes her feel like you’re keeping score.

She doesn’t want to feel that you are goal focused.  You should both be in the moment, into the experience, the process.

The best sex is – throw a sheet over the clock, spend a day behind closed doors, nowhere to be but here in this bed – sex.  Whether you have a day or 15 minutes, the idea is to not approach it with a result only mindset.

4) Ignoring a long standing statistic. 

Aa large majority of women can’t reach orgasm through penetration alone.  Understand what this means and try out various combinations that show you get this fact.

5) Forgoing build up. –

It takes most women about 20 minutes of sexual activity to have an orgasm.  Hey, at least its “activity”, right?

6) Switching positions every 30 seconds.

You are not trying out for the Olympics and you don’t need points for athleticism.

It’s one thing to not be boring, but if you find a position that seems to be working for her, stay with it long enough before jumping to the next.

Porn movies depict several positions in one story, but that’s because porn is made for the enjoyment of the viewer whereas real sex is for the enjoyment of the people experiencing it.

7) Focusing on only 3 body parts.

When you focus on more than just the typical “sex” body parts, you ramp up the passion.

When you also focus on other body parts like her hands, feet, legs, neck, hair, etc., you send the message you notice and appreciate her body. She’ll feel like she’s with a passionate man, not a boy who is only excited to be getting “action”.

8) Going silent.

If the two of you have a strong mental connection, are constantly engaged in witty banter, or have built flirty rapport during your time on dates, chances are these are a big part of your sexual attraction to each other.

Suddenly gGoing mute when you’re in the bedroom can make things awkward.  Don’t be afraid to continue being yourself.

9) Assuming harder and faster equals better.

If she says that feels good, believe her.  It doesn’t necessary mean harder and faster would feel even better.

10) Being too extreme in either direction.

There are the men that are overly aggressive and then there are the men that are afraid to touch you.  No, this isn’t a no win situation. They key is to vary intensity and watch for the response.

There is no rule book to great sex.  Every woman is different and every couple is different.  The one most important thing to do is to tune in and pay attention.  Look for cues in breathing and body language to get the most valuable feedback on what she is enjoying, what to keep doing, or what to never do again.

  • K.D., Contributor